Caleb James

... It's a Wed night. I'm waiting to hear from my folks. A little tax advice maximize that refund is on topic. Dinner comes & goes uneventfully. We sit, the cozy little family that we are, & enjoy the opportunity to be together without distraction.

The phone rings... it's Mom. She sounds distraught, upset even. Not the tone you'd expect before getting tax advice. "I just wanted to call & let you know that your sister lost the baby", she says. "What?!" is my only possible reply. Ellaboration isn't very effective when something like this is only an hour in the making. Emotion are flying, tears & cries, & screams abound. Thoughts come & go; they seem as intangible as the stars littering the nighttime sky. I can't react yet. I don't know how. I don't know...

Skip ahead to Saturday. I wake up Saturday to April's voice telling me that she just got off the phone with Mom. My sister had to deliver him. It was a boy. They named him Caleb. Caleb James.

That's my nephew.

No birthday; he didn't get to have a date of birth. Didn't have a first day at home, or a flirst touch of Mommy's hand. Didn't get to squeeze his little fingers around Daddy's. He didn't get to look on with curiosity at his big brother's uncontained excitement about having a baby brother.

He was deprived of alot of things; all the firsts that babies get that we take for granted. But he was loved. as much as any tiny person could be loved.

I hesitate to say "I'm sorry" to Ashlee & Jake. They've probably heard that more than anyone lately, & they'll probably hear it a great deal more in the coming weeks. My thoughts are with them. I have complete confidence in their love & faith to get them through this. They've got a great strength that's only stronger when they're together.If I had to put anything on anyone overcoming this type of thing, it's them.

I'll save my own realized fears for a later time. For now, I just want them to be, well, just be. Be sad, be angry, be blessed, & be happy. He'll see you again, & he'll know you.

Good night Caleb... from Uncle John.

Caleb James Coval
- 2007