A New Start?

New Year's resolutions...

Funny thing about them. Most times, they fail miserably. Empty promises to ourselves to be better, in one capacity or another.

Stop littering. Stop smoking. A few hours a week in the gym. Be more charitable. Live life more fully.

World peace. End hunger.

The state of our global "home". The human condition. Even my own little piece of it. It's hard to take serious that anyone is able to make things better.

I've resolved not to make any. Not anymore.

I've become a skeptic. Cynical to anything changing for the better. Maybe I'm just too tired to keep fighting. Too wrapped in the murkiness of my own Fog.


It's hard to explain why I've become so cynical without telling my entire story. We don't have enough time to spend on it. Each answer would just raise more questions.

I want so bad to believe in the potential of people. To believe in myself. How can I do that, though? How?

I've been learning more about a man I admired. John Lennon, as skeptical as he was, held an unwavering faith in truth, in the potential of people, in the American Dream, in peace and love.

Let's just put it out there:

I'm a deeply flawed person. I'm prone to excesses. I've made the worst mistakes that you could make. I have enough regrets to arm a nation with.

I'm lonely. I don't know how to talk to anyone, out of fear of disappointment. I long for relief from the pain and anguish I've inflicted on myself.

I'm in the middle of my Lost Weekend. Look it up, and dig to find. The source is right in front of you, if you read closely.

More later, I guess... I've got to go.

"Keep looking for the truth, and when you find it, tell me where it is."